


Cloud, the assumed home wrecker...

by fancyfic



Category: Clack - Fandom, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Aerti, CC, Clack, M/M, Oneshot, ad, ff vii - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-23 23:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4896745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fancyfic/pseuds/fancyfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trivial matters are getting the better of Cloud, as he starts to recall certain events from the past. Will he make it, or will he cry?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cloud, the assumed home wrecker...

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Clack one shot, but the are also (very subtle) implications of Aerti.

Knock knock

 

Knock knock

 

“You have got to be kidding me... Cloud! I know you can hear me; open the door!” Tifa yelled.  She had been knocking the door down for several minutes now, and was honestly starting to get a little aggravated. The action was in wain, however, because the person on the other side was currently avoiding human contact of any kind, for reasons he still hadn’t cared to share with her. As always.

Tifa sighed, “fine. FINE, just stay in there and be useless; see if I care.”

Tifa did care; a lot actually, but she was tired of being shut out and left in the dark, whenever Cloud was in one of his moods. Most of the time he would pretend he was okay if something was up, which, fortunately for everyone, wasn’t so much anymore. But there sure were times where even she couldn’t get trough to him, and those times were surely the hardest.

 

It had been a normal day, where everything had seemed right. At least okay, which was better than most other days. Cloud had even sat at the café, and endured the average banter; which was the only thing that could really be considered abnormal. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to have fun with everyone, or that he didn’t have it in him, he just found it easier to remain a bystander in most social situations.

What it mostly came to was that Cloud liked to be in control of everything; mostly to make up for the many times he had no control at all, but also because he felt responsible for everyone around him. By being in control, he was always ready to protect them. The problem then was that he forgot himself, and let everyone else’s problems overtake and devourer him.

 

But today was different. What was weighing him down, was a problem he had created, himself. It had happened long ago, so the question was actually why he was so down about it now?

When he though about it, he actually knew it might have had something to do with what Cid had said. The man had been loud and witty as always, and ended up saying something he shouldn’t have. Not that Cloud blamed him; it wasn’t like Cid knew; or that Cloud even knew, at the time. And it wasn’t even the fact that someone had reminded him; it was the fact that he had actually forgotten. That he still couldn’t completely remember.

 

Cloud got up from his chair, and walked to the door. It would probably be better if he talked to Tifa about it. His hand went for the knob, but he stopped himself before even touching it. He wanted to talk to her; he wanted to explain and get everything out of the way, because he knew she was worried. But it was too much. He was still piecing the whole thing together; trying to see through the blurriness in the memory, and it wasn’t looking too good.

 

She wouldn’t understand. Or maybe she would. But what if she didn’t?

 

Cloud couldn’t even understand, himself, why it had happened, and he was the one who did it. Or at least somewhat… He never would have gone there on his own; never even thought of it. It had been a certain someone, who had been very persuasive.

Just that thought made Cloud want to slap himself even more. It was his own fault; he couldn’t put the blame on someone else when he, a grown man, made a mistake. To most, it might have seemed trivial, but to Cloud it was treachery; he had betrayed two of the most important people in his life. And if he told Tifa, someone even more important, she would be disgusted.

‘I’ll tell her tomorrow. I’ll tell her.’ Those were the last words on Cloud’s mind before he dosed off to sleep. Hoping for a better day tomorrow.

******

_“Right!” Zack exclaimed. Cloud thought he had seemed gloomy just a second ago, but then he suddenly jumped over and started squatting, before going to bed. He had thanked Cloud for no apparent reason. Cloud had just made a comment about his sword, and now he was suddenly the hero. It was very confusing, but Cloud decided to leave it alone. It was good that Zack was happy again; it made Cloud feel at ease. Zack seemed to always show a positive attitude, and seeing him without it for the first time was scary._

_A few hours passed, where Cloud found himself unable to sleep. He was twisting and turning, but couldn’t seem to find the right way to lie comfortably. He was just about to kick his blanket off in sheer frustration, when he heard a sigh from behind him. He rolled over, and saw Zack lying on his side. Looking at him._

_“Zack? You okay?” Cloud asked._

_But Zack merely smiled and sighed again, “Yea, I can’t sleep. I’m just lying here, spacing out.”_

_“Well it’s been a weird day.” Cloud sat up, cross-legged, and leaned against the bedpost, “I can’t really sleep either.”_

_To Zack, that was apparently an invitation to be sociable, because he immediately got up from his bed, and went over to Cloud’s. He threw himself at the end of it, and the impact made the bed bounce a little; enough to shake Cloud a bit out of balance. “Jeez! How are you so heavy, Zack? You don’t look it.” Cloud chuckled._

_Zack looked at him and smirked, “It’s all this muscle, man.” He flexed his biceps, and looked at Cloud; although he didn’t get the reaction he expected. The blond man laughed quietly at Zack’s comment, while hiding the lower half of his face with his hand._

_Zack sat up and pulled at Clouds hand, “What’s so funny?” He asked, which just made Cloud laugh even more. Cloud knew it was very unlike himself to be so silly, but there was just something about the way Zack had acted all flirty with him, that he found incredibly funny. So now Zack was even hitting on him, huh? Cloud tried to push away the small spark of envy he felt, for the people who were close to Zack. Did her flirt with them too? He probably did. But that wasn’t a reason to feel this way. Cloud quickly decided not to think too much about it, and just have fun with his friend._

_“Wow Zack… and here I thought your eyes were your best feature.” Cloud stated with a laugh. Even though he was being sarcastic, it was still part true if you asked Cloud. The mako-filled eyes did appeal to him in some way. He was mostly jealous that he didn’t have them, though._

_Zack laughed along with him. He knew he had sounded conceited when he said that just now, but that wasn’t going to stop him from trying to retaliate, though._

_“Well I AM soldier first class. Unlike someone I know!” Zack teased, playing with his eyes to make it obvious that he was talking about Cloud._

_“Way to rub it in.” Cloud mumbled, smiling slightly at the Irony of Zack’s joke._

_“But I could beat you anytime.” Cloud joked back without really trying to pick a fight; he was just saying the first thing that came to mind._

_He only just caught the flash of mischief in Zack’s eyes, and so had no idea what was coming. Zack had found Cloud’s joke to be the perfect challenge, and immediately started teasing him. “Is that so?” Zack asked, moving closer to Cloud, “Then how about we go at it then?”_

_Zack lightly shoved Cloud’s shoulder, in an attempt to provoke the other man. He wasn’t sure why he was acting so childish, but it was three in the morning, and neither of them could sleep, so might as well break some stuff and have a good show down._

_Cloud considered himself a bit too smart for that though. He didn’t react to the teasing too quickly. Even though Cloud wasn’t taking the bait, Zack wasn’t about to give up. His puppy-like personality kept his spirit flaming, and his determination unwavering. He began shoving, poking, and kicking Cloud, to try to get a reaction. This was what the provocation stage was all about; lightly caressing the fire. The real fight was sure to come, so patience was key._

_Zack had a talent for being annoying, and even though he wanted people to like and respect him, he had a tendency to showcase his puppy behaviour to an extent that it would drive any person mad._

_And sure enough, it didn’t take too long before Cloud was about to blow up._

_Zack had expected him to yell or call him out for being childish, but instead Cloud jumped at him, in an attempt to throw him off the bed. This guy was so infuriating that it had actually made Cloud want to smack him. Zack had his deepest respect, and Cloud was so proud of himself for actually having befriended someone so great, but… oh this punk was gong down._

_Zack, finally getting his way, grabbed Cloud by the shoulders and threw him over to the other bed._

_Cloud landed, less than gracefully, on the floor next to the bed, and didn’t waste a second before attacking Zack again; aiming for the man’s legs to try and throw him off balance._

_He wasn’t very good, or all that strong, Zack noted, but he had a lot of stamina and will that kept him from giving up; which was what Zack had hoped for. With every punch, and every swift movement out of the way, their attack patterns became kind of like a dance. There was no music, of course, and had it been a competition they would have lost due to obvious lack of harmony, and practise, but still… Zack found it very enchanting to look at. Had it always felt like this to fight? Or was it so liberating because he wasn’t fighting to kill? Sure there was nothing challenging about fighting the infantryman, but it was fun to feel like fighting was a bonding experience, instead of exclusively being used for battle purposes. It felt good. Easy, sure, but that was probably what made it so good. Cloud throwing everything he had a Zack, making it hard not to admire his will. His lack of experience, pared with Zack’s high rank training, made the outcome of the fight seem clear, but it was obvious that the two guy enjoyed testing each other, and getting a chance to be silly without getting scolded._

_While Zack got Cloud beaten a little more than he should, the brunette got away with only a few punches in the gut. After about half an hour of running around, and possibly waking everyone in the surrounding area, Zack finally got Cloud pinned down on one of the beds; trapping the other man’s arms on either side of his head._

_Zack smirked widely, “so you could beat me when exactly?” he asked in a_ _flippant tone, wiggling his eyebrow provocatively._

_“Alright you win. But you have to admit I was close.” Cloud said, panting as he tried to get out of Zack’s tight grip on his wrists._

_“Because I won, I am willing to admit that I’m surprised; I underestimated you Cloud.” Zack wasn’t panting, but Cloud could tell from his shaking arms that he had been putting effort into their fight. “You’re something else, aren’t you?” Zack said, looking down at the blonde man in wonder. “Very special, somehow.”_

_The comment made Cloud slightly flustered. He didn’t take that kind of flatter very well. The heat from the fight was starting to rise in his body, and the sweat was seeping from every pore in his skin, making being pinned down, more and more uncomfortable. He found it a bit annoying that Zack was so much stronger than him, and it made him even more annoyed that Zack was still sitting on him, even though he had admitted defeat. The heat was becoming too much, and it made Cloud feel almost claustrophobic. “So are you going to sit there all day?” he asked, trying not to sound as beat as he felt._

_A few seconds went by, but Zack didn’t say anything. He seemed very occupied with looking at Cloud. He was looking down, the way most people look up into space; staying quiet; observing._

_Zack’s bodyweight was mostly concentrated on Cloud’s stomach, but he was also leaning on his wrists, and grabbing them tight. “Zack?” Cloud asked again._

_“hm?” Zack answered absentmindedly, still not looking away, or seeming to even be listening. Zack’s mako filled eyes didn’t move from Cloud’s face, and while Cloud wasn’t one to care about being stared down by another man, he was getting very uncomfortable with the situation he was in._

_A few moments passed with a silent starring contest, before Zack seemed to wake up from his trance, and loosen his grip in Cloud’s wrists. He didn’t let go, but in stead he moved down to rest his forearms on the bed, and loosely held onto Cloud’s hands._

_Cloud, who had just barely gotten his breathing under control, was now even more trapped than before. The way Zack was hovering over him felt like the climax of sexual tension, in a bad romance flic. They weren’t teenagers, and they weren’t in at a love hotel. The whole scenario was so absurd to him that instead of trying to get through to Zack this time, he forced the other man off of him. Zack didn’t fight against him the way he had thought he would. Instead he sat himself on Cloud’s lap._

_Now they were sitting face-to-face. Cloud didn’t know what to do. He had to physically restrain himself from shifting under Zack’s stare, by holding his hands together tightly._

_The brunette looked determined to say or do something; opening his mouth slightly and then closing it again. For a long time nothing happened, though._

_“Zack, is something wrong?” Cloud asked, when he got tired of just sitting in silence. Cloud wasn’t sure if he understood Zack at all, because if this was what the man was really like, he had absolutely no idea what was coming. Zack’s eyes were so focused that it looked like he was actually frozen, and it startled Cloud when he finally decided to speak again. “I… You…” Zack managed to stammer out._

_How eloquent…_

_“What?” Cloud asked. He didn’t like the look on Zack’s face; it was the look of a restrained predatory that had just seen prey. But at the same time it was the look of wonder; the innocent kind you see in the eyes of a child. Cloud turned his head to one side; he knew he was just seeing things as worse than they actually were. This was not something he had expected from Zack. The usually so loquacious Zack was strange, yes, but that was because his quirky nature brought out a witty and clumsy side of him, most of the time. This kind of strange behaviour was obscure; coming from this, otherwise very predictable, person._

_“Cloud… wanna know a secret?” Zack whispered. His face was suddenly very close to Cloud’s ear. He looked less scary when Cloud whipped his head around to look at him, but their faces were very close together, and Cloud could feel Zack’s breath on the lower half of his face._

_If Cloud was being completely honest, it really depended on what he was about to tell him. Zack was acting weird, and maybe Cloud didn’t want to know why. But he figured that even though Zack did look odd at the moment, it was very out of character. He couldn’t possibly be keeping any dark secrets, could he?_

_“Sure.” Cloud finally said, not being too sure if that was the right decision. He’s fear was warranted…_

_Zack’s first move should have already set an alarm off in Cloud’s head. He snaked his arms around the blonde mans waist, and pulled himself closer._

_‘Wait! What are you doing?’ Cloud screamed inside his mind._

_Cloud reflexively put his hand’s on Zack’s shoulders, and was about to move the other man away, before the situation escalated, when Zack closed the gap between them, and kissed him…_

_**_

 

With a big gasp, and a jump that almost sent him flying off the couch, Cloud forced himself out of the scene, ending in a state of dizziness and nausea.

 

He looked at his phone. Four in the morning...

 

He sighed deeply and threw an arm across his face. “Just a dream…” He mumbled under his breath. But it hadn’t been a dream; at least not really. Cloud knew very well that it had been the memory he had been dreading. It was coming back all at once. Making Cloud feel sick to his stomach. The rest of the night’s events came back to him slowly, as he was waking up completely.

 

Not really knowing what else to do while he was crumbling, he ran out of the room, got onto his bike, and started driving. The noise from Fenrir’s engine resounded in the dark, empty streets, as Cloud made his was out of the slums. He was driving way too fast, but he was also way too upset to even notice.

 

It took Cloud a long time to realise how fast he was going, and how far he had actually gotten.  When he looked around, he found himself on a hill in the middle of, what seemed like nowhere in particular, but had to be close to Midgar. How long had he been driving? Long enough that the sun was starting to paint the sky in orange.

 

The break of dawn felt like it came too soon, even though it had been three whole hours since Cloud left home. He had kept driving and driving, not knowing where exactly to go, and before he knew it, time was of the essence. Everyone was most likely getting up in an hour or two, and if he wanted to get home without anyone knowing of his little skip out, he would have to hurry.

 

**

 

_Zack’s eyes were closed, and he was lightly pressing his lips to Cloud’s, while the other man was completely in shock. Heat was spreading on both sides, and creating brain numbness, coming I waves from where their lips were connected. And that was when disaster truck._

_Zack’s eyes flew open, and in that moment it was as if the clock had struck midnight. The glass shoe seemed to fall from the pumpkin, kick him directly off his white and mighty horse, and completely kill the magic._

_Cloud had barely started to realize what was going on, when Zack flew back towards the end of the bed, and ended up tumbling to the floor. He fell as ungracefully as it was ever possible, while emitting an equally ungraceful shriek of either horror or deep shock (probably both). Cloud was so chocked that he almost forgot what had just happened, and rushed to see if Zack was okay. Being kiss-attracted seemed so unreal that he was sure he had been imagining it. And he had probably been so shocked by the product of his own imagination, that he kicked Zack off the bed._

_Zack was on the floor, staring at the celling in horror. Cloud was hesitant to walk up to him; dreading the possibility of being told that it had actually happened._

_“Did I just…” He said in a hollow tone._

_“uh… yes?...” Cloud answered, sounding just as mortified, as he was sure Zack felt._

_“I don’t even know what to say. I just… lost control, I guess?” Zack was mostly looking at Cloud when he said that, and Cloud really hoped he wasn’t showing his inner struggle too much. He could feel his heart sinking in his chest, as it was progressively beating faster. Why was he so weak right now? Why didn’t he just tell Zack off?_

_“Why did you…” Cloud asked._

_Zack looked away. In Cloud’s head it became clear that it had been a spur of the moment thing, and that Zack probably hadn’t even had a reason to do something like that. “There’s something about you… I don’t even know how to explain it. It’s just… I don’t know.” Zack was struggling with what words to use, as he didn’t know how to describe the emotions he had had before. Zack wasn’t one to give in to his urges to that extent, which was why he freaked out. So it had to have something to do with Cloud._

_But Zack had to stop himself, and think hard. He wasn’t one to put the blame for his actions on others. Cloud was still looking confused and flustered, which only made the urges to touch him come back stronger. Zack sat up and looked at the man in front of him._

_“Cloud, I-“_

_“I just want you to clarify something.” Cloud cut him off, “Was there a reason, or did you just not think at all?” He asked, doing his best not to break eye contact with Zack. He didn’t want Zack to look down on him, but he also didn’t want to be played with, so he tried to stay serious and consistent. He felt like an angry teenager. But looking at Zack, it felt like it had been a lot more than just an accidental kiss._

_Zack sighed, “I’ll be completely honest with you Cloud, I didn’t even know what I as going to do, before I was in the middle of doing it.” He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, looking down at the floor. Cloud didn’t know what to answer to that. It only proved that Zack was just as impulsive as he was off kilter. Not that there was anything wrong with being a little crazy, but there was nothing worse to Cloud, than not knowing what to expect. He wanted to tell Zack that, but before he got the chance, Zack spoke again; “Was it really that bad?”_

_Cloud kind of wanted to laugh. Zack seemed to have no idea why he was mad. He seemed to be more worried that Cloud thought he was a bad kisser, than the fact that he had kissed him out of nowhere, and made thing very complicated. He sighed, and smiled against his own will, “That’s not really the issue here.” Cloud said, and gently slapping a hand to his forehead, to try to calm himself, while also showing his frustration._

_For a while they both sat on the floor, looking at anything but each other. Cloud wanted to get up, but he didn’t want Zack to think he was mad at him, so he figured he’d wait for Zack to move._

_And so Zack did; just not in the way Cloud wanted him to._

_Zack didn’t get up, but instead he moved across the small space between them, closing the gap. Cloud, who looking alarmed by the sudden lack of distance between him and the other man, snapped his head up, to have it caught by Zack’s hand._

_Zack had stretched out his arm, and placed his hand on the side of Cloud’s face. Cloud felt Zack’s thumb, running slowly across the pale skin of his cheek, and continuing over the curve of his lower lip. “Zack… y-you can’t…” Cloud stammered in horror. He grabbed onto Zack’s wrist, but without moving it away. He couldn’t, for the life of him, understand what was wrong with him. What was it about Zack that made him unable to fully deny him?_

_“I can’t what?” Zack asked lightly; not taking his eyes off of Cloud’s lips. He almost sounded like he was purring. He was supposed to be a puppy. This man had just become dangerous in a whole different way, and things did not look good for Cloud._

_“Please Zack… just… let’s just go to sleep.”_

_Why was he such a coward? He kept thinking that he should smack Zack’s hand away, but it was like he didn’t even want to._

_‘Oh god…’ Cloud thought. It felt like being struck by lighting, and it sent chills throughout his entire body. He finally got it, and it scared him immensely._

_He wanted it._

_It wasn’t something he would have deliberately chosen, but now that it was waved in front of him, he suddenly had to have it._

_Breathing heavily, he tried to work out what to do with all the emotions that were crashing down on him. He was coming to terms with a desire to touch this person in front of him; the person he had admired, and had wanted to befriend. The thought of Zack’s lips on his, started heavy waves of paralyzing heat, that sent sparks flying through his veins. It made him yearn for more. And to think that just minute ago, he was so opposed to these thoughts. Was that him being right, or in denial?_

_Zack’s light caresses on his face, pared with his inner turmoil, was so distracting; he didn’t even realize he had loosened his grip on the brunette’s wrist._

_Zack wasn’t about to let that opportunity pass, and pulled Cloud into a tight embrace, placing Cloud on his lap. He trailed light, sloppy kisses up and down the blonde’s neck, while lightly caressing the skin of his waist._

_Cloud was beyond fighting against it now. He didn’t see the point. So instead he indulged himself, by grabbing on to Zack and letting the man have his way._

_By hearing Cloud’s low moans, Zack seemed to get even more fired up, and ended up accidentally ripping Cloud’s shirt a little._

_“Sorry…” he whispered with his puppy eyes at full power._

_“All the muscle, huh?” Cloud chuckled. Zack smiled apologetically at Cloud, and started dragging the rip together, as if he was trying to reassemble it._

_The dorky gesture made Cloud Smile. He sighed and rested his forehead against Zack’s; stopping the other man in his motions. “This’ll end badly. And I mean really badly.” He whispered, grabbing onto one of Zack’s hands. He almost wanted to cry._

_Zack lifted his other hand to Cloud’s Chin and lifted the other man’s face. “Doesn’t matter.” He whispered back, and pecked Cloud’s lips lightly, like he was touching something fragile and precious._

_Cloud didn’t feel the need to say anymore, so he pulled Zack closer, and kissed him harder._

 

**

 

All pieces of the memory were coming back, as Cloud drove home. It felt like they were floating around his head; blocking his vision. His posture was terrible, and he was making Fenrir wobble from side to side. His distracted mind was too out of balance, and it was a miracle that he made it home without crashing.

 

After he had parked his bike, and turned off the engine, he sat on it a little longer. The garage was pitch black, and he almost felt like he didn’t exist. He wanted the darkness to swallow him, drag him deeper, so he wouldn’t have to face the people he cared most for. He had disappointed them many times, and even though that had never stopped them from forgiving him, that didn’t mean that they weren’t capable of thinking ill of him.

 

Maybe the darkness was better.

 

‘No.’ He thought. He was done being a coward. If he could fight battles, and suffer fatal injuries, he could surely confide to a friend that cared for him. Mortifying as it may turn out to be. He’d finally tell Tifa, and that was the end of it.

 

Cloud moved off the bike, and went for the exit. He walked into the bar. Luckily for him it wasn’t open yet, so he quickly went to go upstairs.

 

“Welcome back.” Said a familiar voice, behind him.

 

Cloud froze. ‘Shit!’ He thought. He slowly turned his head around, and was very unsurprised to see Tifa sitting on a barstool, next to the door he had just come in through. Everything he had been so determined to tell her suddenly fell to the ground, and shattered. He wasn’t prepared for this. She caught him off guard. It wasn’t fair.

 

Without even answering he started walking away. “HEY!” Tifa yelled. This guy was unbelievable. He had been running from her for two days, and now he was practically asking for her to smash his face in. She ran across the room, jumped over the counter, and blocked his way in record speed. When she walked over to him, with a fist held in the air, he looked scared. She was a bit taken aback by that. The sight of her friend looking so defeated and frightened wasn’t what she had wanted to see. Ever.

Now she was really worried. “Cloud, what’s wrong?”

 

Cloud felt his eyes burning. He was forcing down the upcoming well of tear, while at the same time feeling like there wasn’t even a point in pretending anymore. He heaved a heavy sigh;

“I don’t… know what to say.” He said, finally meeting Tifa’s eyes. He kind of wished he hadn’t thought, because facing her felt like being stabbed in the gut. Cloud could only think up one of two scenarios; either Tifa would be disgusted with him or she would tell him to stop being a bitch. Either way he looked at it, he figured it was what he needed to hear, but at the same time didn’t want her to say any of it.

 

Tifa eyed Cloud up and down. Taking in his visual appearance. Nothing seemed wrong with him physically, the way she had feared, so it seemed there was something else Cloud was battling with inside. “Just say everything. Tell me all of what’s on your mind.” She pulled at his sleeve, and gestured for him to sit down. “I’ll poor you a drink.” She said with an encouraging smile, and went behind the counter to toy with the bottles.

 

“We haven’t talked like this in a long time,” she said, and pushed a filled class across the table to Cloud, “so spill. I’m all ears.”

 

Cloud thanked her for the drink, and poked one of the floating ice cubes. He lifted the glass to his mouth, and took a big zip of the strong drink. An extra strong whiskey sour. “I look that pathetic, huh?” He felt the sting in his throat as the alcohol went down, but it was quickly replaced by warmth, and a sense of lightness, as if his problems very already floating away, slowly. He could suddenly feel how long it had been, since he had last had a drink. Had he really been okay for so long? He felt even warmer when he thought of all the things he had and the people that stood by him; all the things that had kept him stable, and too occupied to think of anything depressing. He was always calmer at the mere though of Denzel and Tifa, or even Yuffie and Cid. Them and the others were all people he cared about; people that had helped him when he needed them, even if he hadn’t always been the nicest towards them.

 

In the middle of his stream of deep thought, Tifa’s clearing of her throat startled him. He blinked a few times and looked up at her agitated expression. “Sorry.” He said, and looked back down at his drink. The ice cubes had already melted a little, how long had he been spacing out?

 

“Okay, this is either going to sound really stupid, or super disturbing, and either way I really don’t want to talk about it. But you’re right; I should tell you about this kind of stuff.” Cloud was talking very fast, and in a low mumble, that made it hard for Tifa to follow what he was saying. But she knew he wasn’t going to continue if she pointed it out, so she stayed quiet.

 

“I have recently gotten an important memory back.” He looked up at Tifa, “One about Nibelheim.” Tifa narrowed her eyes in interest.

‘no… no no no no…’ He thought.

“Apparently something happened, that I didn’t originally tell you, or anyone, about.”

 

It was clear that Tifa was ready for the gossip, so Cloud just heaved another sigh, and went on; “It turns out that something happened… between me and… Z-uh- Zack.” Actually saying it out loud did not feel good at all. He was having chills run up and down his body, and he started sweating profusely. He wondered if this must be what it felt like, when a gay teenager was coming out to their parents. Was he gay? He hadn’t had any other experiences with men, and he had never wanted to, so had Zack just been special? Who really knew…

There seemed to be a never-ending pile of questions that Cloud couldn’t really manage to answer, so he looked to Tifa, as if that would solve his inner turmoil.

 

The woman on the other side of the bar counter, currently looked like she had just come across a difficult riddle. Her eyes were wide open, and her face was twisting into many different expressions that all seem to radiate with pure confusion. “What something happened, exactly?” She asked, sounding a lot less disgusted than Cloud had expected, but just as confused as she looked.

“What something?”

“YES, Cloud, what SOMETHING?”

“Seeeeeex?”

 

Cloud was starting to get a little scared, which Tifa would easily notice, with the way he was dragging out the single syllable, and making his answer sound like a question. Tifa was capable of giving him a good beating, and since Cloud could never dream of hitting back at this point, she had the upper hand.

But in the end, Tifa just sighed. “But- *sigh* I don’t understand… wasn’t he dating Aerith at the time?”

 

Cloud hesitated for a moment, before answering; “Yes. They were together.”

“Wow, you’ve really done it, haven’t you…”

She was really only saying what he had been thinking the whole time, but it hurt a lot more to hear coming from her. This was the point where he was sure he was going to get it, but unexpectedly, things took a very strange turn… Tifa laughed.

 

“Oh god, Cloud, You should see your face right now.” Tifa seemed to think the situation was very funny, and it actually kind off pissed Cloud off. “So you slept with a guy; so what?”

“He was in a relationship, with AERITH.”

“But it was so long ago. And Aerith isn’t here anymore, Cloud, she’ll never find out.”

 

That last comment was a trigger for Cloud. He jumped out of his chair, and slammed his hands against the counter. “YES, she’s dead, and that’s the PROBLEM. I’ll never get to apologize for what I did, even though I betrayed her more than I have anyone else. And don’t talk about her like you don’t care; have a little respect for her. ”

 

“Oh I cared about Aerith, a whole lot actually, and that’s why I think it was better for her not to know. You just want her to know for you own selfish reasons.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You want forgiveness, right? Well yes, if she was alive she would surely forgive you, but it would still hurt her. She was never aware that Zack even died, then why tell her something like that and break her heart?”

 

Cloud wanted to reply, but found that nothing clever came to mind. He just stood for a moment, starring a Tifa. The anger was evident in her expression, and the truths to her words were vexing to say the least. Cloud slowly sat down, and looked at his glass on the counter. It had spilled a bit when he hit the table with his hands, and there were drops wobbling around on the hardwood surface near the glass. He had overreacted. He knew that. Tifa would never purposely say anything bad about Aerith, so there had really been no reason for him to lash out at her. Cloud sighed, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

 

“I usually am.” Tifa answered, still sounding slightly annoyed, “And stop apologizing.”

The atmosphere had become even weirder than before, and Tifa became very uncomfortable at the sight of Cloud’s bloodshot eyes and deep frown, so she tried to lift the mood a bit.

 

“So. Now that it’s all over and done with. How was it?”

Cloud looked up in confusion, “How was what?”

Tifa eyed him mischievously, “Doing the costly with a soldier first class?”

“Costly?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, you know what I mean”

“*Sigh* It was… fine? I don’t know, good I guess.”

 

“hm, that’s interesting. But we both know what I’m really want you to tell me.”

“I think you know what you want me to tell you, and I think I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s really cute, but give me the juice. Were you… - you know - that?”

 

Cloud, who was in the middle of taking a zip of his drink, suddenly understood what she meant, and started choking on the liquid in his mouth. Once again, drops of liquid went everywhere, and he was frantically doing his best to wipe it up, while also trying to get his violent coughing under control.

“I- *chough* am not sure I understand what you mean…”

“Oh… my god… You really were, weren’t you?”

“We’re not talking about this.”

“I don’t know how to feel about this.”

“Please just forget about it, Tifa”

“I mean I get that he was a soldier, and that he was probably strong and all, but couldn’t you have put up a fight at least.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t really have time for a top-off, since I was a little too busy freaking out. He came onto me, I went with it, the end.”

“Wow… How did you not remember that, right away? It must have been either really fun or REALLY uncomfortable. I’d have guessed, something like that would be memorable.”

“Like I said, it was fine. It probably would have been better, if I hadn’t been so scared.”

“Did it hurt?”

Cloud seriously though about it for a moment, “… hmm- Yes. I think it hurt a lot a first, actually.”

Tifa leaned across the counter, “oh, so he was big, huh?” she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“I don’t want to have this conversation anymore.” Cloud stated.

 

Clouds monotone statement was hilarious to Tifa, and she emitted a light chuckle. It seemed she and, more importantly, Cloud had both calmed down. It had been quite a shock to hear her constant brute of a childhood friend, admit something like this. But now that she had gotten a little bit used to the thought, she was glad he’d told her, and also a little annoyed that it had taken her two days to get it out of him. “You’re such a drama queen.”

 

Tifa’s laugher was very calming, and reassuring, but Cloud could have done without the snide comment. “Isn’t that a little passive aggressive?”

“You are in no position to start shit with me right now, young man!”

“… I’m going to bed.”

“G’night Tigre.” Tifa yelled after him, with a wide grin and an obvious glint in her eye. “Oh, and since you’re not going to ask me, I’ll tell you straight, that you’re little secret is safe with me.”

“Tifa?”

“Yea?”

“Thank you. Really.”

“This isn’t a romantic comedy, Cloud. Stop being so dramatic. But you’re very welcome.”

 

When Cloud was finally in his bed, after two days of self-torment that had felt like an eternity, he felt light. The heavy weight that had been on his shoulders had been lifted and, as he probably should have predicted, all he had needed was Tifa’s help. That woman was always sharp, and even if he never actually told her of any troubles he might have, her presence was calming enough on it’s own. This was actually the first time she had really nagged, even though they had known each other for so many years. She usually never demanded that he tell her everything, and he was surprisingly happy that she did. At the least it had been something comprehensible; something she could actually understand and grasp the meaning of. It would have been entirely different if she had struck at any other time, because his worries were almost never rational. He rarely got visually sad or depressed over something that happened to him, but often felt sad for no reason he could think of. But at the moment those things felt far away. Cloud never really stopped worrying, but for the first time, despite all of it, he felt at peace. Even if he knew it would only last for a moment, he held on to it for as long as he could, and even managed to fall into a deep and blissful sleep.

 

Down in the bar, Tifa was getting everything ready for another day. Cloud had finally gotten out of the deep and dark hole he had occupied for two days, and she had actually been able to help him. The issue itself, although scandalous as it was, turned out to be trivial. It sure hadn’t been minor to him, but freaking out and shutting down was still a bit of a dramatic reaction, if you asked Tifa.

 

He had obviously been thinking about Aerith. What would she have told him if she had ever gotten a chance to find out?

Had she not known?

Tifa seemed to recall a conversation they had had, where…

Tifa froze in the middle of cleaning one of the corner tables.

‘Had that been what she was talking about?’ Tifa thought.

 

***

 

“Tifa? Tifa, are you even listening to me?”

“Uh… huh?”

Tifa blinked a few times. Had she been spacing out? She was just observing Cloud. What had she been doing just now? She looked over at Aerith, who looked thoroughly displeased with her lack of mental presence. “Oh, sorry Aerith, I think fell asleep.” She joked at her.

The girl merely sighed. “Where were we?”

“…?”

 

“Oh yea! So Cloud turned out to just be an infantry man, huh?”

What a weird topic to start all of a sudden. “… I guess.” Tifa answered.

 

“But since he and Zack were so close, do you think Zack ever told him about a girl?”

“He said he had someone waiting back at home, yeah.”

“No one else?”

“No?”

“Not even in Nibelhiem? ”

“I don’t think so, I was the only girl who talked to him, and Cloud was with him the whole time”

“… Oh I see… That actually makes a lot of sense.”

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Well you see, Zack was a person with a lot of love to give. He didn’t make a case of announcing it, but it was obvious in his nature. But with all that love, came also the promise of giving it away; which is usually what you would expect a person to do excessively when they are in the kind of relationship Zack and I had. He was happy to talk and come see me, but I don’t think he understood that it was supposed to be just him and me. It wasn’t that Zack was dumb, or that he couldn’t grasp the meaning of a lover’s relationship, I just think he never saw how concrete I expected the two of us to be. This is why I told Cloud that him and I weren’t serious. That, and he also had a way more serious relationship with his job. One I couldn’t compete with.”

 

‘But what does that have to do with anything?’ Tifa thought. One moment she was asking about girls, and the next she was rambling about his job. Maybe job was code for something else. Oh…“So what you’re saying is that “job” might have been something else? You think he cheated on you?”

“Oh I know he did, but until know I didn’t know with whom. And no he was definitely devoted to his work; I know that part wasn’t a lie.”

 

Was there something wrong with that woman? She seemed to be very unsure of what she was even talking about. If her boyfriend was unfaithful, shouldn’t she be angry? “You don’t seem very mad at him, though.”

 

“Don’t worry, I was absolutely furious. It’s actually all coming back right no. But since he isn’t around to take a scolding, I can’t really curse him, can I? All I can do now is hope that he found what he was searching for.”

“I still don’t understand why he would do that if he loved you…”

“I didn’t either, until just now. This person was very important to him; maybe even more important than I could ever have been.”

 

“Wait, you know who it is? How did you just figure it out now?”

“It’s quite obvious, really. But I’ll tell you how I know. The last time I spoke to Zack on the phone, he sounded very strange. He promised to come and see me, but even though he sounded cheerful, there was something that seemed off. I didn’t even get to ask him what was wrong, before he started apologizing. He really sounded like he was crying. He kept saying he was sorry, and that he would make it up to me. I didn’t even have to ask, to know what he had done, and even though I was hurt and angry, I knew what kind of person he was. He meant no harm, and it wasn’t like we had officially agreed that we were in a relationship, even though we both felt and acted like we were. So in the end I let him promise to come back and explain everything, as soon as he could. But as you well know, he’s never come back.”

 

“I’m so sorry Aerith. That person probably didn’t even know about you two”

“I know. But, you want to know why it’s okay? It’s actually because that person didn’t know. Yes, it makes me sad, and yes I wish it hadn’t happened, but I have no reason to blame them. Zack was the one who messed up. But since he isn’t here to defend himself, I will cut him some slack.”

“It’s almost scary how forgiving you are.”

“You think so? I think it’s good to be forgiving. I forgive Zack, not only to ease myself, but also because I know it will ease Cloud.”

“Huh?”

“And you already know that I forgive that person. I just really hope they can forgive themselves.”

“You never actually told me who it was?”

“That’s my little secret, but I hope you’ll figure it out.”

 

**

 

Tifa had held the key this whole time, and she could have told Cloud ages ago if she had just known it was him Aerith had been talking about. It had been so many years, and even though the conversation was clear; she still had trouble remembering the other woman’s face.

 

Aerith had been a lot smarter that anyone, even Tifa, had given her credit for. A lot greater. And thinking of her made Tifa feel empty and cold. She was starting to understand why Cloud had been so riled up about the whole thing. The feeling of having disappointed Aerith must have been worse than anything she could think of.

 

Tifa felt a warm tear run down her face. The shock of realising she was actually crying, made her frantic to remove the stream of saltwater from her eyes. She really missed her that beautiful,flirty girl. A lot.

But Aerith was in a better place. She wasn’t oblivious or hateful; she was at peace.

She was probably looking down at them, right in that moment; laughing.

The thought made Tifa smile.


End file.
